Ok so this is what I got, but it don't look right...

The set up is as follows:

My Mac is on a wireless network, presumably behind a firewall over which I have no admin privileges. Further, said wireless network changes my internal IP randomly at random times, so I do not know what my ip is.

Note that localhost is a variable ip

I forward some port or the other to my dns:

ssh -R 19999:localhost:22 sourceuser@remotehost

connect to my remotehost from my machine:

ssh sourceuser@remotehost

and then connect to the port I forwarded:

ssh localhost -p 19999

[solved] Second question, there are a bunch of ssh clients for the iphone. Which one should I use?

EDIT: Since jailbreak is not illegal, simply frowned upon by the Corporation, I've decided to go with that. I have a nice shell with openssh and the works. Best of all, it's free and it does exactly what you expect.