Going back to the errorplacement solution by Nadia (http://stackoverflow.com/questions/860055/jquery-override-default-validation-error-message-display-css-popup-tooltip-like)
I have tried it and it works like a charm in Safari and Firefox but causes IE08 to bypass the jqueryvalidator and go straight to the server side validator.
My code is this - as soon as I insert 'error element.... it is unstable in IE08. All help much appreciated
 <script type="text/javascript"> 
$(document).ready(function() { 
      $("#sampleform").validate({ 
        rules: { 
                dinername: "required",
                venue: "required",
                contact: "required",
                dinertelephone: "required",
                venuetime: "required",
                numberdiners: "required", 
                dineremail: { required: true, email: true}, 
                datepicker: { required: true,date: true}
              }, 
      messages: { 
                dinername: "Your name?",
                numberdiners: "How many guests?",
                dinertelephone: "Your mobile?",
                venue: "Which restaurant?",
                venuetime: "Your arrival time?",
                datepicker: "Your booking date?",
                dineremail: "Please enter a valid email address",
                }, 
                errorElement: "div",
                errorPlacement: function(error, element) {
                        element.before(error);
                        offset = element.offset();
                        error.css('right', offset.right);
                        error.css('right', offset.right - element.outerHeight());
                                                         }
            });
});
  </script> 
<script type="text/javascript">
$(function() {
    $("#datepicker") .datepicker({minDate: 0, maxDate: '+6M +0D',dateFormat: 'DD, d M yy',onClose: function() {$(this).valid();}
    });
    });
</script>
The relevant webpage is http://www.johnslaytor.com.au/nilgiris/forms/bookingform/bookingform.html