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  • Erland Sommarskog: DBA of the Day

    Erland is best known for his famous SQL Server site http://www.sommarskog.se/. It is plain, it has eight articles in it, it is short on jokes: However, it is hugely popular and one of the great 'essential' SQL Server sites. We sent Richard Morris to find out more about Erland, and he discovered a diligent and energetic teacher and mentor in the SQL Server Community....Did you know that DotNetSlackers also publishes .net articles written by top known .net Authors? We already have over 80 articles in several categories including Silverlight. Take a look: here.

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  • You know you're a "version control avoider" if [closed]

    - by kmote
    I'm in the process of trying to introduce Version/Revision Control to a team of developers who have never used it. I'll be giving a presentation that I hope will be a persuasive explanation of the importance of Version Control -- the benefits of using it and the liabilities of avoiding it. I'd like to kick it off with an amusing but instructive list modelled after the "redneck" line of jokes. Can anyone help me add to this list? "You know you're a Version Control Avoider if..." You have a bunch of files or folders with names like Engine_05212012_works_old[2].cpp You've had to explain to your boss how you accidentally overwrote production code. I don't consider myself terribly witty, but I think a little humor could be helpful in this situation. Any ideas for how to extend this list? [Bonus points if you can suggest a better moniker than "Version Control Avoider"]

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  • How to use short breaks at work effectively for self-development?

    - by Alaudo
    At the moment my daily work as a developer requires me to have short 10-20 min breaks after every 2-3 hours. It would be nice if I could use those effectively to improve my expertise in programming or CS in general. I tried several things: Reading jokes online gets boring very soon. Trying to solve some (even the most simple) tasks from different code contests requires more time, as long as I have some idea of an algorithm the time is over. Reading a randomly picked Wikipedia-article about Computer Science: depending upon the article sometimes it requires more time and is not an easy reading for a break. So, I ended up reading StackOverflow questions and answers with most votes: that is entertaining and educative. Do you have any other suggestions?

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  • Outline to teach VB6

    - by sinDizzy
    I am in need of an outline on teaching VB6/VBA to some co-workers. The material I am pretty confident I can fill in, just need a sense of how to order the class material. Its not going to be hard core programming [nix the VB6 jokes please :) ] but do want to touch the basics. Any free outlines or even entire presentations out there that I can use? I've been looking but nothing concrete so far. thanks

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  • What sources do spammers use to get email addresses?

    - by Andrew Grimm
    From what sources do email spammers get their addresses? Wikipedia mentions the following: Harvesting email addresses from publicly available sources. This includes web pages (web crawling), usenet posts, mailing list archives, DNS and WHOIS records Guessing email addresses (directory harvest attack) Asking people for their emails for one purpose, such as jokes of the day, and selling the email addresses elsewhere Getting access to people's address books (which Quechup utilized) Scanning an infected computer for email addresses. Are there any other techniques used? Are any of the techniques above now obsolete?

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  • Stop YOUR emails from starting those company-wide Reply All email threads

    - by deadlydog
    You know you’ve seen it before; somebody sends out a company-wide email (or email to a large diverse audience), and a couple people or small group of people start replying-all back to the email with info/jokes that is only relative to that small group of people, yet EVERYBODY on the original email list has to suffer their inbox filling up with what is essentially spam since it doesn’t pertain to them or is something they don’t care about. A co-worker of mine made an ingenious off-hand comment to me one day of how to avoid this, and I’ve been using it ever since.  Simply place the email addresses of everybody that you are sending the email to in the BCC field (not the CC field), and in the TO field put your email address.  So everybody still gets the email, and they are easily able to reply back to you about it.  Note though, that the people you send the email to will not be able to see everyone else that you sent it to. Obviously you might not want to use this ALL the time; there are some times when you want a group discussion to occur over email.  But for those other times, such as when sending a NWR email about the car you are selling, asking everyone what a good local restaurant near by is, collecting personal info from people, or sharing a handy program or trick you learnt about (such as this one ), this trick can save everybody frustration and avoid wasting their time.  Trust me, your coworkers will thank you; mine did

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  • Antenna Aligner part 1: In the beginning.

    - by Chris George
    Picture the scene, it's 9pm, I'm in my caravan (yes I know, I've heard all the jokes!) with my family and I'm trying to tune the tv by moving the aerial, retuning, moving the aerial again, retuning... 45 mins and much cursing later I succeed. Surely there must be an easier way than this? Aha, an app; there must be an app for that? So I search in the AppStore for such an app, but curiously drew a blank. Then the seeds of the idea started to grow. I can code, I work in a software house with lots of very clever people, surely I can make an app that points to the nearest digital tv transmitter! Not having looked into app development before, I investigated how one goes about making an iPhone app and was quickly greeted by a now familiar answer "Buy a mac!". That was not an option for many reasons, mostly wife related! My dreams were starting to fade until one of my colleagues pointed out that within Red Gate, the very company I work for, there was on-going development on a piece of software that would allow me to write an app using Visual Studio on a Windows machine, Nomad! Once I signed up for the beta program I got to work learning the Jquery mobile / Phonegap framework. Within a couple of hours I had written (in Visual Studio), built in the cloud (using Nomad) and published (via TestFlight) my first iPhone app onto my iPhone ! It didn't do much, but it was a step in the right direction. To be continued...

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  • Antenna Aligner part 1: In the beginning.

    - by Chris George
    Picture the scene, it's 9pm, I'm in my caravan (yes I know, I've heard all the jokes!) with my family and I'm trying to tune the tv by moving the aerial, retuning, moving the aerial again, retuning... 45 mins and much cursing later I succeed. Surely there must be an easier way than this? Aha, an app; there must be an app for that? So I search in the AppStore for such an app, but curiously drew a blank. Then the seeds of the idea started to grow. I can code, I work in a software house with lots of very clever people, surely I can make an app that points to the nearest digital tv transmitter! Not having looked into app development before, I investigated how one goes about making an iPhone app and was quickly greeted by a now familiar answer "Buy a mac!". That was not an option for many reasons, mostly wife related! My dreams were starting to fade until one of my colleagues pointed out that within Red Gate, the very company I work for, there was on-going development on a piece of software that would allow me to write an app using Visual Studio on a Windows machine, Nomad! Once I signed up for the beta program I got to work learning the Jquery mobile / Phonegap framework. Within a couple of hours I had written (in Visual Studio), built in the cloud (using Nomad) and published (via TestFlight) my first iPhone app onto my iPhone ! It didn't do much, but it was a step in the right direction. To be continued...

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  • Fun programming or something else?

    - by gion_13
    I've recently heard about android's isUserAGoat method and I didn't know what to think. At first I laughed my brains out, than I was embarrassed for my lack of professionalism and tried to look into it and see if it makes any normal sense. As it turns out it is a joke (as stated here) and it appears that other languages/apis have these sort of easter eggs implemented in their core. While I personally like them and feel they can be a fresh breath sometimes, I think that they also can be both frustrating and confusing (and you begin to ask yourself : "can users be goats?" or "I get it! "goat" is slang for.... wait.."). My question is are there any other examples of these kind of programming jokes and what are their intends? Should they be considered harmless or not (how do programmers feel about it) ? Do they reach their goal (if any other than to laugh) ? Where do you draw a line between a good joke and a disaster? (what if the method was called isUserStupid?)

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  • What is your best programmer joke?

    - by hmason
    When I teach introductory computer science courses, I like to lighten the mood with some humor. Having a sense of fun about the material makes it less frustrating and more memorable, and it's even motivating if the joke requires some technical understanding to 'get it'! I'll start off with a couple of my favorites: Q: How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer scientist? A: An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he talks to you. And the classic: Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25! I'm always looking for more of these, and I can't think of a better group of people to ask. What are your best programmer/computer science/programming jokes?

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  • What's your favorite stupid error message?

    - by Robusto
    Here's my candidate, just encountered, from an automated Java build. I just had to share it. "Composite step 'master' failed due to unsatisfication of success condition." In other words, it failed because it didn't succeed. Uh, thanks. I feel so much more ... what's the word I'm looking for here? Ah, enlightened. I think it would be fun to hear yours, and I'm sure you have plenty. I really enjoyed the best programmer jokes that appeared here earlier, so maybe this will bring a few smiles and lighten the load in a similar fashion. (I searched for something similar on SO, but didn't find anything.)

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  • Does the 80/20 rule of time management apply to developers?

    - by Dean
    Jeff's recent article linked to a time management example of the First Fit Decreasing algorithm, which talked about the Pareto principle (or, the 80/20 rule) of time management, that is, that 80% of the work we produce in 20% of our time. Now we've all heard the programmer quote: The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time. But all jokes aside, it is often as if 20% of your code is to do what you want, and the other 80% is to handle exceptions... so does the 80/20 rule really apply to developers? Does anyone have any examples of why it does / does not apply to us?

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  • Humor in code

    - by pfranza
    When you are writing code or naming products, which sources of cultural references are you most likely to draw from? Which reference sources do you think are more likely to be universally understood? For example when findbugs sees that you've implemented equals() without overriding hashCode() it suggest that you implement it by returning 42 (a reference from HHGTTG) Or why we have big endian vs little endian encoding, referencing Gulliver's Travels Not that we should act unprofessionally with our code, but if you going to tell a person that they could only (watch/read/...) one (book/movie/show/...) which one would allow them to 'get' the most jokes?

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  • What makes COBOL such a hated language?

    - by cable
    I'm rather young and so I haven't experienced the times when COBOL was still in use and even going mainstream, maybe you can help me out. Everywhere I go and surf I: Am getting told about how horrible COBOL is See sites making fun of COBOL Hear that I should be happy that I don't have to use COBOL, from older programmers See others make anti-COBOL-ist jokes I don't know much about COBOL, except that it is still used everywhere as many old systems haven't got refactored and that it is even still developed and managed. I have also looked at some COBOL code examples but it seems like they are as rare and expensive as unicorn blood. If you close this question or give me sarcastic, irrelevant answers I'll have to learn COBOL to find it out the hard way. I'm serious.

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  • Do you use protective gear while programming?

    - by Can Berk Güder
    I've been suffering from a lot of elbow and forearm pain lately, and apparently it's caused by my arms and elbows constantly pressing against the desk. My doctor says I'm damaging the nerves on my elbow, and if I don't use elbow pads (or spend less time with the computer), it will get worse, and I will be risking permanent damage to the nerves. Since spending less time with the computer was not really an option, I purchased a pair of these: They didn't arrive yet, and I know they will probably make me look like a total idiot (my girlfriend has already started making jokes) when they do, but health comes first. Anyway, my question is: do you use any protective gear while programming? If yes, what do you use? Thanks,

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  • Are there any widely-agreed upon guidelines for rating your language knowledge on a scale?

    - by DVK
    The question was imagined after a co-worker was complaining for an hour about some guy who could not answer basic Java questions on an interview after self-identifying himself as "8 out of 10" on Java. While that was an obvious fib, I personally always had major trouble defining my specific language skills on a sliding scale unless I'm given specific guidelines (remember 40 standard libraries by heart? Able to solve 10 random Project Euler problems in <30 mins each? Can write implementation of A, B and C data-structures from scratch in 30 mins? Know 30% of standard? Can answer 50% of questions on StackOverflow pertaining to the language?) So, I was wondering - is there some sort of commonly accepted methodology for translating such tangible benchmarks into "rate yourself on a language between 1-10"? "Kernighan gets an A, God gets a B, everyone else gets C and less" type jokes are not helpful :)

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  • Developer’s Life – Every Developer is a Spiderman

    - by Pinal Dave
    I have to admit, Spiderman is my favorite superhero.  The most recent movie recently was released in theaters, so it has been at the front of my mind for some time. Spiderman was my favorite superhero even before the latest movie came out, but of course I took my whole family to see the movie as soon as I could!  Every one of us loved it, including my daughter.  We all left the movie thinking how great it would be to be Spiderman.  So, with that in mind, I started thinking about how we are like Spiderman in our everyday lives, especially developers. Let me list some of the reasons why I think every developer is a Spiderman. We have special powers, just like a superhero.  There is a reason that when there are problems or emergencies, we get called in, just like a superhero!  Our powers might not be the ability to swing through skyscrapers on a web, our powers are our debugging abilities, but there are still similarities! Spiderman never gives up.  He might not be the strongest superhero, and the ability to shoot web from your wrists is a pretty cool power, it’s not as impressive as being able to fly, or be invisible, or turn into a hulking green monster.  Developers are also human.  We have cool abilities, but our true strength lies in our willingness to work hard, find solutions, and go above and beyond to solve problems. Spiderman and developers have “spidey sense.”  This is sort of a joke in the comics and movies as well – that Spiderman can just tell when something is about to go wrong, or when a villain is just around the corner.  Developers also have a spidey sense about when a server is about to crash (usually at midnight on a Saturday). Spiderman makes a great superhero because he doesn’t look like one.  Clark Kent is probably fooling no one, hiding his superhero persona behind glasses.  But Peter Parker actually does blend in.  Great developers also blend in.  When they do their job right, no one knows they were there at all. “With great power comes great responsibility.”  There is a joke about developers (sometimes we even tell the jokes) about how if they are unhappy, the server or databases might mysteriously develop problems.  The truth is, very few developers would do something to harm a company’s computer system – they take their job very seriously.  It is a big responsibility. These are just a few of the reasons why I love Spiderman, why I love being a developer, and why I think developers are the greatest.  Let me know other reasons you love Spiderman and developers, or if you can shoot webs from your wrists – I might have a job for you. Reference: Pinal Dave (http://blog.sqlauthority.com)Filed under: PostADay, SQL, SQL Authority, SQL Query, SQL Server, SQL Tips and Tricks, T SQL

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  • Inside Red Gate - Ricky Leeks

    - by Simon Cooper
    So, one of our profilers has a problem. Red Gate produces two .NET profilers - ANTS Performance Profiler (APP) and ANTS Memory Profiler (AMP). Both products help .NET developers solve problems they are virtually guaranteed to encounter at some point in their careers - slow code, and high memory usage, respectively. Everyone understands slow code - the symptoms are very obvious (an operation takes 2 hours when it should take 10 seconds), you know when you've solved it (the same operation now takes 15 seconds), and everyone understands how you can use a profiler like APP to help solve your particular problem. High memory usage is a much more subtle and misunderstood concept. How can .NET have memory leaks? The garbage collector, and how the CLR uses and frees memory, is one of the most misunderstood concepts in .NET. There's hundreds of blog posts out there covering various aspects of the GC and .NET memory, some of them helpful, some of them confusing, and some of them are just plain wrong. There's a lot of misconceptions out there. And, if you have got an application that uses far too much memory, it can be hard to wade through all the contradictory information available to even get an idea as to what's going on, let alone trying to solve it. That's where a memory profiler, like AMP, comes into play. Unfortunately, that's not the end of the issue. .NET memory management is a large, complicated, and misunderstood problem. Even armed with a profiler, you need to understand what .NET is doing with your objects, how it processes them, and how it frees them, to be able to use the profiler effectively to solve your particular problem. And that's what's wrong with AMP - even with all the thought, designs, UX sessions, and research we've put into AMP itself, some users simply don't have the knowledge required to be able to understand what AMP is telling them about how their application uses memory, and so they have problems understanding & solving their memory problem. Ricky Leeks This is where Ricky Leeks comes in. Created by one of the many...colourful...people in Red Gate, he headlines and promotes several tutorials, pages, and articles all with information on how .NET memory management actually works, with the goal to help educate developers on .NET memory management. And educating us all on how far you can push various vegetable-based puns. This, in turn, not only helps them understand and solve any memory issues they may be having, but helps them proactively code against such memory issues in their existing code. Ricky's latest outing is an interview on .NET Rocks, providing information on the Top 5 .NET Memory Management Gotchas, along with information on a free ebook on .NET Memory Management. Don't worry, there's loads more vegetable-based jokes where those came from...

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  • Finance: Friends, not foes!

    - by red@work
    After reading Phil's blog post about his experiences of working on reception, I thought I would let everyone in on one of the other customer facing roles at Red Gate... When you think of a Credit Control team, most might imagine money-hungry (and often impolite) people, who will do nothing short of hunting people down until they pay up. Well, as with so many things, not at Red Gate! Here we do things a little bit differently.   Since joining the Licensing, Invoicing and Credit Control team at Red Gate (affectionately nicknamed LICC!), I have found it fantastic to work with people who know that often the best way to get what you want is by being friendly, reasonable and as helpful as possible. The best bit about this is that, because everyone is in a good mood, we have a great working atmosphere! We are definitely a very happy team. We laugh a lot, even when dealing with the serious matter of playing table football after lunch. The most obvious part of my job is bringing in money. There are few things quite as satisfying as receiving a big payment or one that you've been chasing for a long time. That being said, it's just as nice to encounter the companies that surprise you with a payment bang on time after little or no chasing. It's always a pleasure to find these people who are generous and easy to work with, and so they always make me smile, too. As I'm in one of the few customer facing roles here, I get to experience firsthand just how much Red Gate customers love our software and are equally impressed with our customer service. We regularly get replies from people thanking us for our help in resolving a problem or just to simply say that they think we're great. Or, as is often the case, that we 'rock and are awesome'! When those are the kinds of emails you have to deal with for most of the day, I would challenge anyone to be unhappy! The best thing about my work is that, much like Phil and his counterparts on reception, I get to talk to people from all over the world, and experience their unique (and occasionally unusual) personality traits. I deal predominantly with customers in the US, so I'll be speaking to someone from a high flying multi-national in New York one minute, and then the next phone call will be to a small office on the outskirts of Alabama. This level of customer involvement has led to a lot of interesting anecdotes and plenty of in-jokes to keep us amused! Obviously there are customers who are infuriating, like those who simply tell us that they will pay "one day", and that we should stop chasing them. Then there are the people who say that they ordered the tools because they really like them, but they just can't afford to actually pay for them at the moment. Thankfully these situations are relatively few and far between, and for every one customer that makes you want to scream, there are far, far more that make you smile!

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  • What are some good realistic programming related movies (docu-dramas, documentaries, accurate fiction, etc)?

    - by EpsilonVector
    A while ago I asked this question and the result was this. Following the response I got in the meta question I'm re-asking the question with new guidelines to focus it on the direction I wanted it to have originally. ================================================================== The guidelines are as follows: by "programming related" I mean movies from which we can learn about stuff like the development process, or history of software/computers, or programming culture. In other words, they must be grounded in the industry. No tangential stuff. Good entries answer as many of the following criteria as possible: Teach you about the history of the industry, or the development process, or teach you about important industry related topics (software patents for example) Are based on real life events, companies, people, practices, and they are the main focus of the movie After watching them, you feel like you understand or know something about the programmers' world that you didn't before (or you can see how someone could have such a response). You can point to it and say "this faithfully represents the industry/programmer culture at some point in time". This might be something you would show laymen to explain to them what "your people" are like and what is it that you do. Examples for good entries include: Pirates of Silicon Valley- the story of how Microsoft and Apple started the industry. Revolution OS- The story of Linux's rise to fame, and a pretty good cover of the Free Software/Open Source world. Aardvark'd: 12 Weeks with Geeks- development process. Examples for bad entries: Movies who's sole relevance is that they can be appreciated by programmers. The point of this question is not to be "what are some good movies" with "for a programmer" appended to it. Just because the writers got a few computer jokes right in itself doesn't make it about the industry. Movies where there's a computer related element, but are not about the industry. For example, 24 (the TV series). It's a product of the information age but it isn't actually about it. Another example is movies where there's a really cool programmer character, but are overall about something completely different. Likewise, The Big Bang Theory is not about physics, even though they have a cool physicist as a character. Science fiction, even if it draws ideas from computers. For example, the Matrix trilogy. Movies that you can't point to them and say: this is a faithful representation of our world (at some point in time). If you can't do that then it doesn't mirror the industry. Keep it one entry per answer so that the voting could sort the entries out.

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  • Macs don't connect to wifi access point but PCs will

    - by Josh
    So, as a side project I'm going to try and figure out why the wifi APs in my building exhibit the following behavior: - They typically allow all types of computers to connect without issues - Sometimes Apples can't get an IP address but will still connect to the AP's signal - Less often, PCs can't connect to the wifi (same as above - yes signal, no IP addy) - Don't let Raiders fans on no matter the time of day! My first thought was that the DHCP leases were all taken up when the Apples would try to connect, and it was just their unlucky timing, but I would then try to log on with a PC that had a new, unleased MAC address and it would work... Could this be something to do with interoperability between an apple wifi card, and the APs? Different parts of the DHCP lease being taken up first? The fact that the Seattle Mariners might actually be good this year?? If this hasn't used up everyone's patience (with my crappy sports jokes), something else I could use some help with: - We don't have the model or type of AP - This is because there is no documentation available for them, and they literally look like small white boxes with no writing on them. Also, the company that installed them is out of business, so the situation might be that no docs will ever be on the way. -- Do you guys have any ideas on how to figure out what we have? Thanks as always for all the help, and I'm looking forward to the day when I know enough to start contributing back to the site, Josh

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  • SQL SERVER – Vacation, Travel and Study – A New Concept

    - by pinaldave
    Quite often when developers go to training sessions they either find it very boring because of study or great because they treat it as a vacation. There should be a perfect balance between study and extra activities. Studying is Boring Studying is very hard. Nobody likes to study, very few people are going to list “studying” as one of their favorite hobbies.  Already my young daughter knows she doesn’t want to study, and I don’t want to either.  If you read my blog regularly you know that I am always saying that we need to be students for life.  However, all philosophy aside, if you are put in a room with an instructor to study for eight hours a day, you are going to feel bored, uncomfortable, and unhappy.  I was a trainer myself, and I understand that all-day study sessions are no fun – even for the trainer.  I always tried to be entertaining, but even eight hours of jokes and laughter is tiresome.  Eight hours at a comedy club would be boring after a little while – and if we can’t even enjoy fun stuff for eight hours straight, how can we expect to study for eight hours straight? Studying for Career or Certification Even those who have advanced degrees and went to college for years, or even decades, find studying hard.  There is a difference between studying for a career and studying for a certification.  At least to get a degree there is a variety of subjects, with labs, exams, and practice problems to make things more interesting.  You can also choose your major and what you want to spend your time studying.  For certification you do not have this luxury.  You have to learn and memorize specific parts, and there is no option to change your major if you don’t like it.  Your option is to gain your certification, or fail.  Many people will find that last option unacceptable. Studying at Vacation We have established: eight hours of uninterrupted study is boring.  That is why I am so excited about what my very good friend is doing with Koenig Solutions.  His whole goal was to make classes that are intensive but not in a traditional format.  He adds in aspects of the vacation.  It is true that you will study and sit with instructors for six or eight hours a day, but in the mornings and evenings you can go out and see the sights in exotic locations.  He has chosen the locations for his training courses for their proximity to tourist attractions like the Himalayas, the Taj Mahal, and Goa, India’s most popular resort town.  Every location has access to great experiences like river rafting, safari tours, or meditation.  There are five locations to choose from: Dehli, Dehradun, Shimla (close to the Himalayas), Goa Beach, and Dubai.  After a day of classes and hours of sight-seeing, you will be more than ready to return to campus tired and ready to study.  This is the kind of study I can do! My friend’s point is that studying and fun can still go hand-in-hand.  How many times have we heard a professor say this?  But this time it is true.  There is great fun in learning in exotic locations.  If you want to travel in India and are interested in also taking the opportunity to learn something, let Koenig Solutions know. Reference: Pinal Dave (http://blog.sqlauthority.com) Filed under: PostADay, SQL, SQL Authority, SQL Query, SQL Server, SQL Tips and Tricks, T SQL, Technology

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  • 2010 April Fools Joke

    - by Dane Morgridge
    I started at my current job at the end of March last year and there were some pretty funny April fools jokes.  Nothing super crazy, but pretty funny.  One guy came in and there was a tree in his cube.  We (me and the rest of my team) were planning for a couple of weeks on what we could do that would be just awesome.  We had a lot of really good ideas but nothing was spectacular.  Then Steve Andrews had a brilliant idea (yes it's true).  Since we have internal DNS servers we could redirect DNS to our internal servers for a site such as cnn.com.  Then we would lift the code from the site and create our own home page that would contain news about people in the company.  Steve was actually laughing so hard when he thought of the idea that it took him almost 30 minutes to spit it out. I thought, "this is perfect". I had enlisted a couple of people to help come up with the stories and at the same time we were trying to figure out how to get everybody to the site the morning of the 1st.  Then it hit me.  We could have the main article be one of my getting picked up by the FBI on hacking charges.  Then Chris (my boss) could send an email out telling everyone that I would not be there today and direct them to the site.  That would for sure get everyone to go to cnn.com first thing and see our prank.  I begun the process of looking for photos I could crop myself into and found the perfect one.  Then my wife took a good pic with our Canon 40D and I went to work.  The night before I didn't have any other stories due to everyone being really busy at work, but I decided to go ahead with just the FBI bust on it's own.  I got everything working and tested and coordinated with Chris for me to come in late so no one would see me at the office until after everyone had seen the joke. And so the morning of April fools came and I was waiting at home and the email was perfect.  Chris told everyone that I wouldn't be in and that not to answer any questions if you got any calls from anybody.  The Photoshop job I did was not perfect, but good enough and I even wrote an article with it that went into more detail about how I had been classified as a terrorist and all kinds of stuff. People at work started getting the emails and a few people didn't realize it was a joke (as I had hoped), including some from senior management (one person in particular who shall remain nameless in this post).  Emails started flying around about how to contain the situation and how to handle bad PR.  He basically bought it hook, line and sinker and then went in to crisis mode.  It was awesome! He did finally realize it was a joke and I will likely print and frame the email he sent out.  In short, April fools this year was a huge success.

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  • T-SQL in Chicago – the LobsterPot teams with DataEducation

    - by Rob Farley
    In May, I’ll be in the US. I have board meetings for PASS at the SQLRally event in Dallas, and then I’m going to be spending a bit of time in Chicago. The big news is that while I’m in Chicago (May 14-16), I’m going to teach my “Advanced T-SQL Querying and Reporting: Building Effectiveness” course. This is a course that I’ve been teaching since the 2005 days, and have modified over time for 2008 and 2012. It’s very much my most popular course, and I love teaching it. Let me tell you why. For years, I wrote queries and thought I was good at it. I was a developer. I’d written a lot of C (and other, more fun languages like Prolog and Lisp) at university, and then got into the ‘real world’ and coded in VB, PL/SQL, and so on through to C#, and saw SQL (whichever database system it was) as just a way of getting the data back. I could write a query to return just about whatever data I wanted, and that was good. I was better at it than the people around me, and that helped. (It didn’t help my progression into management, then it just became a frustration, but for the most part, it was good to know that I was good at this particular thing.) But then I discovered the other side of querying – the execution plan. I started to learn about the translation from what I’d written into the plan, and this impacted my query-writing significantly. I look back at the queries I wrote before I understood this, and shudder. I wrote queries that were correct, but often a long way from effective. I’d done query tuning, but had largely done it without considering the plan, just inferring what indexes would help. This is not a performance-tuning course. It’s focused on the T-SQL that you read and write. But performance is a significant and recurring theme. Effective T-SQL has to be about performance – it’s the biggest way that a query becomes effective. There are other aspects too though – such as using constructs better. For example – I can write code that modifies data nicely, but if I haven’t learned about the MERGE statement and the way that it can impact things, I’m missing a few tricks. If you’re going to do this course, a good place to be is the situation I was in a few years before I wrote this course. You’re probably comfortable with writing T-SQL queries. You know how to make a SELECT statement do what you need it to, but feel there has to be a better way. You can write JOINs easily, and understand how to use LEFT JOIN to make sure you don’t filter out rows from the first table, but you’re coding blind. The first module I cover is on Query Execution. Take a look at the Course Outline at Data Education’s website. The first part of the first module is on the components of a SELECT statement (where I make you think harder about GROUP BY than you probably have before), but then we jump straight into Execution Plans. Some stuff on indexes is in there too, as is simplification and SARGability. Some of this is stuff that you may have heard me present on at conferences, but here you have me for three days straight. I’m sure you can imagine that we revisit these topics throughout the rest of the course as well, and you’d be right. In the second and third modules we look at a bunch of other aspects, including some of the T-SQL constructs that lots of people don’t know, and various other things that can help your T-SQL be, well, more effective. I’ve had quite a lot of people do this course and be itching to get back to work even on the first day. That’s not a comment about the jokes I tell, but because people want to look at the queries they run. LobsterPot Solutions is thrilled to be partnering with Data Education to bring this training to Chicago. Visit their website to register for the course. @rob_farley

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  • When is your interview?

    - by Rob Farley
    Sometimes it’s tough to evaluate someone – to figure out if you think they’d be worth hiring. These days, since starting LobsterPot Solutions, I have my share of interviews, on both sides of the desk. Sometimes I’m checking out potential staff members; sometimes I’m persuading someone else to get us on board for a project. Regardless of who is on which side of the desk, we’re both checking each other out. The world is not how it was some years ago. I’m pretty sure that every time I walk into a room for an interview, I’ve searched for them online, and they’ve searched for me. I suspect they usually have the easier time finding me, although there are obviously other Rob Farleys in the world. They may have even checked out some of my presentations from conferences, read my blog posts, maybe even heard me tell jokes or sing. I know some people need me to explain who I am, but for the most part, I think they’ve done plenty of research long before I’ve walked in the room. I remember when this was different (as it could be for you still). I remember a time when I dealt with recruitment agents, looking for work. I remember sitting in rooms having been giving a test designed to find out if I knew my stuff or not, and then being pulled into interviews with managers who had to find out if I could communicate effectively. I’d need to explain who I was, what kind of person I was, what my value-system involved, and so on. I’m sure you understand what I’m getting at. (Oh, and in case you hadn’t realised, it’s a T-SQL Tuesday post, this month about interviews.) At TechEd Australia some years ago (either 2009 or 2010 – I forget which), I remember hearing a comment made during the ‘locknote’, the closing session. The presenter described a conversation he’d heard between two girls, discussing a guy that one of them had just started dating. The other girl expressed horror at the fact that her friend had met this guy in person, rather than through an online dating agency. The presenter pointed out that people realise that there’s a certain level of safety provided through the checks that those sites do. I’m not sure I completely trust this, but I’m sure it’s true for people’s technical profiles. If I interview someone, I hope they have a profile. I hope I can look at what they already know. I hope I can get samples of their work, and see how they communicate. I hope I can get a feel for their sense of humour. I hope I already know exactly what kind of person they are – their value system, their beliefs, their passions. Even their grammar. I can work out if the person is a good risk or not from who they are online. If they don’t have an online presence, then I don’t have this information, and the risk is higher. So if you’re interviewing with me, your interview started long before the conversation. I hope it started before I’d ever heard of you. I know the interview in which I’m being assessed started before I even knew there was a product called SQL Server. It’s reflected in what I write. It’s in the way I present. I have spent my life becoming me – so let’s talk! @rob_farley

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